Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Romania's entire government has a complete collapse today and the #1 item on the news is some has-been country singer getting popped for being drunk.

   I think if I needed to create a successful television program, my target audience would be people with eyes.

   The only thing more ferocious than a T-Rex guarding a nest is the too-drunk-to-dance chick that was left behind to guard purses.

   I wish people would stop mocking my fat friend. She's got enough on her plate.

   Every time I get drunk I end up doing something stupid. My girlfriend for instance...

   'You know what really pushes my buttons?....You People.' - Elevators

   Do people using Twitter Twick or Tweet today??

   I just ate a pudding cup without a spoon (In case you want to lift me up like Simba and present me to your people?).

   People who live in glass houses must really hate birds.

   I drink a shot of whiskey a day to toast good life & fortune and then the rest of the bottle because I like being drunk.

   My buddy asked me, "What are 5 things you would take with you in a zombie apocalypse?" I replied, "That's simple. 5 people slower than me!"

   I’m glad we have such strict illegal drug laws, otherwise people would be using and over doing on them

   has discovered that people will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.

   went to Benjamin Moore and learned that her skin color is Pueblo Sand. Which is too bad, because we're in a race war with the people who are Classic Taupe.

   Facebook: Lying to people you know. Twitter: Be honest to people you don't know.

   ...can't believe how less sophisticated and superstitious the people of Egypt seem like on tv. I mean it's ridiculous!! Hey, did anyone see whether the ground hog saw his shadow today??....

   I get offended when people assume I think and care about them.Who died and made you money?

   It’s cute how some people still believe in love and happily ever after.

   Smartphones and dumb people - a match made in the 21st century.

   Don't you hate it when people answer their own questions? I do.