CS Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I choose my outfit with great care every day, because if today is the day I become a zombie, these are the clothes I'll be wearing forever.
←Rate | 08-02-2010 08:40 by CS Comments (0)  

   messageicon hopes that when the machines rise up against humanity, his toaster remembers all the good times.
←Rate | 03-30-2011 10:39 by CS Comments (0)  

   messageicon my oven doesn't need a self-cleaning mode; my *bathroom* needs a self-cleaning mode.
←Rate | 03-18-2011 11:00 by CS Comments (0)  

   messageicon at Camp Crystal Lake, getting drunk with her best friends and running around in her underwear, and holy crap did anyone else hear that noise?
←Rate | 08-13-2010 12:55 by CS Comments (0)  

   messageicon fears Hurricane Earl, but only because it sounds like the prison nickname of a man wearing overalls who beat someone to death with a banjo.
←Rate | 09-02-2010 11:36 by CS Comments (0)  

   messageicon once blinded someone with science, which, unfortunately, turned out to be an A-class felony.
←Rate | 08-12-2010 11:27 by CS Comments (0)  

   messageicon very keen on multitasking, and therefore doesn't appreciate being told which electronic products she can or cannot use while in the shower.
←Rate | 07-22-2010 14:14 by CS Comments (0)  

   messageicon when I go to Starbucks and the cashier asks me my name so the barista can call out my order, I say "Latte."
←Rate | 08-31-2010 10:49 by CS Comments (0)  

   messageicon to the two men who laughingly dismissed the cute blonde walking in front of us because "she's got muffin top": SO DO YOU, you just cleverly hide your early-30s pudge in those relaxed-fit Dockers you're wearing. P.S. You are balding.
←Rate | 09-24-2010 11:28 by CS Comments (0)  

   messageicon went to Benjamin Moore and learned that her skin color is Pueblo Sand. Which is too bad, because we're in a race war with the people who are Classic Taupe.
←Rate | 08-18-2010 10:28 by CS Comments (0)  

   messageicon my company is upgrading from Outlook 2003 to Outlook 2007, in 2010, which I fear will rip a hole in the space-time continuum.
←Rate | 08-05-2010 11:01 by CS Comments (0)  

   messageicon shouldn't *India* be the country that celebrates Columbus Day? Think of all the syphilis they avoided because that dude could not navigate his way out of a kiddie pool.
←Rate | 10-10-2011 16:09 by CS Comments (0)  

   messageicon it's really awkward when you invite your neighbors to your Shark Week party, and then you realize that your neighbors are tuna, and they probably don't observe Shark Week.
←Rate | 08-10-2010 09:56 by CS Comments (0)  

   messageicon if Mitt Romney is an Etch-A Sketch, then Rick Santorum is a Betsy Wetsy and Newt Gingrich is an EZ Bake Oven.
←Rate | 03-23-2012 10:32 by CS Comments (0)  

   messageicon knows that running the air conditioner 24/7 hurts the environment, but the Earth needs to be punished *somehow* for being so bloody hot.
←Rate | 06-29-2010 10:46 by CS Comments (0)  


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