Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   When people try extra hard to cover the keypad as they enter their pin at the ATM, I always want to whisper, "I saw it" when they're done.

   Be careful, Loneliness is dangerous. It's addicting . Once you see how peaceful it is, you don't wanna deal with people ever again.

   Coming home from work today, I just saw a guy sitting in a rowbaot in his front yard in the rain with a case of budligtht. Even though I've never met him, I'm convinced that he's good people

   come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines...

   How the hell did Charles Manson get like 16 people to murd.r for him? I can't even get two kids to brush their teeth.

   If you are really "friends" with that many people on facebook, why are you alone standing in front of a mirror taking a picture of yourself? Cant you get one of your 867 friends to take it?

   When anyone ask me to babysit, I ask if their kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.

   God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they ate all my oreos and were always peeing on my toilet seat.

   Someone's gotta break it to people under 25 that cameras can also point away from themselves

   Dear paranoid people who check behind their shower curtains for murderers, If you do find one, what's your plan?

   When I was a kid, there was no Internet. Sometimes people would walk for miles to call me a bastard.

   According to a recent survey, 86 percent of people say that they have at least one annoying coworker. The remaining 14 percent don't realize that they are the annoying coworker.

   The fact is, whatever you do, good or bad, people will always have something negative to say.

   When I get in an elevator, before I press a button, I turn around look at everyone inside and say: "Okay people, are you ready to take this sh!t to a whole new level?"

   Watching these people in this commercial, rock climb, scuba dive & live life to the fullest, kind of makes me wish I had genital herpes.

   You'd be amazed how often I'm wrong when people say guess what.

   I can't decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.

   starting group meetings at my house for people with OCD, & if anyone feels the urge to tidy up, by all means go ahead

   How come rappers always brag about being criminals and committing crimes, but then whine like little babies when people illegally download their music. Dang hypocrites.

   Wonders why people stare at you when they catch you talking to yourself...EXCUSE ME but I'm having a conversation here!!!