Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   It is incredibly ironic that the people with the most narrow and closed minds also have the widest and open mouths.

   Do I hate people who ask and answer their own stupid questions? Absolutely

   when will people understand. "i can't hear you while I'm chewing my doritos!"

   45. People who call with blocked numbers deserve to not get answered!

   When I'm really bored at work I like to write "I'm watching you" on the toilet paper a few squares in just to mess with people.

   Just place a STUDENT DRIVER sticker on top of your car, and suddenly no one suspects you of drunk driving at 8am.

   I like holding the door for people who are far away, you know so they have to run a little.

   I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.

   When people ask me for advice, I tell them, “Use your best judgment,” which they clearly don't have if they are asking me for advice.

   I used to be a People Person, but People ruined it for me!!!

   You know how we smack your household appliances when they're malfunctioning and it makes them work? I wish you could do that with people.

   ‎9 times more people are killed by falling coconuts than by sharks. I CANNOT WAIT for Coconut Week!

   It's no coincidence the people who call the cops when parties get loud are the people who never get invited to parties.

   I don't like morning people...or mornings...or people.

   Cops: “Please step out of the car” Me: “I can't. I'm drunk. You get in.

   I'm living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people! Respect it!

   Most people like to say living the dream, I perfer to say surviving the nightmare.

   I hate when people see me at the super market & the're like "Hey what you doing here?" & I'm just like "Oh you know hunting zebras"

   Place a STUDENT DRIVER sign on top of your car, and suddenly nobody suspects you of drunk driving.

   Picking up someone at a bar when you're drunk, is like going to the grocery store hungry... You end up taking home crap you didn't want.