Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   My cellphone is mixing people up (surprise this would only happen to me) So if you get a picture of my left tit..apoligies in advance!!

   People get way too dramatic when telling a waiter they haven't left room for desert.

   Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

   Some people live one life and Facebook another.

   I've got this great new drinking game where you take a shot every time you want to get more drunk.

   You usually don't care what other people are saying until they start whispering.

   People tend to hurry up at the ATM if you stand behind them with an erection. Just saying.

   Just went down to get my driver's license renewed but this time I made sure I was drunk for the picture. Now if I ever get pulled over for drunk driving, they'll just think I'm spastic.

   What is it with the absent reference status messages. When people say things like "I can't believe you would do that" or anything with "You know who you are." We don't and frankly, we don't care. It's just you posting your drama filled life up to generate

   Crazy how people are more worried about getting Avocados then drugs and trafficing

   How do people dumb enough to buy $500 sunglasses make enough money to buy $500 sunglasses?

   My co-worker informed me that people raised with manners say “Please” and “Thank you.” So I responded “Please, shut the f*ck up, thank you.”

   when I was drunk, you were beautiful

   I just realized that sometimes I can be a little condescending (that means I talk down to people).

   To all the people who said that I'd never be able to write a joke about Bukkake: haha, in your face!

   You've really got to hand it to short people. Because they often can't reach it.

   The benefit of always going in to work late is that when you're on time, people think you're early.

   Rappers always talk about robbing people in their songs, dats why I download all their songs for free. Payback!!

   Some people say Donald Trump is a fascist. There is nothing more fascist than shutting down someone's ideas. Think about that for a second....

   When bad things happen to good people, I usually try to take a picture with my phone.