Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Strange how people will judge stories like Tony Stewart, but try their damnedest to get out of jury duty...interesting.

   I wonder if Patrick Swayze goes up behind people in pottery classes and hugs them just to make other ghost laugh.

   My sandwich told me I was crazy so I ate him, because crazy people don't eat talking sandwiches.

   As if people didn't have enough reasons to panic when their doorbell rang... Now we have to worry that it's Ryan Seacrest.

   I bruised my face running drunk into a slider door but I told my coworkers it's my violent boyfriend because I want them to think I'm dating

   Last night when I was drunk I asked my cat if it could talk, it replied! "Me? How?"

   I have a dream that one day I'll be able to go to work and get a pay check that 35 percent doesnt go to people that have no jobs and do nothing but smoke weed. I cant wait til November.

   wondering: do doggies ever do it people-style???

   Have you ever looked at other people and think to yourself "I'm just better than you"......welcome to my life

   THEY'RE going THERE with THEIR friends..... Seriously it's not rocket science people!

   Just reported a car stolen because the people inside are black and the stick figures on the window were white

   Statistically 60% of people use their mobile phone to cheat on their partners. Personally I prefer to use my pen!s.

   People will soon be saying "google plus me" instead of "facebook me" ... Smh

   Stupid people exist just to make us feel better about ourselves. Thank you, stupid people!

   In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?

   I'm surprisingly nice for someone who hates 99% of people.

   You have no legs and you're dating a super model and you kill her....on VALENTINES?! Good god, some people just don't know what they have do they?

   I am living proof that the Internet can be used to deceive people (I've been dead for two years).

   I hate when stupid people try & make YOU feel stupid because they don't understand you.

   Subway should be taken to court. They force their male employees to make sandwiches for other people and that is clearly sexist.