Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I have a Japanese friend who can write in that cool calligraphy. That's pretty impressive. Of course I won't be REALLY impressed until I see her do the "YMCA" dance in her own language.

   sleepy, wish I was a air traffic controler so I can catch up on my rest...

   If only I had stuck with dodgeball since elementary. I could have gone pro.........

   World Population Rank: 1.China 2.India 3.Facebook 4.USA 5.MySpace 6.Indonesia 7.Brazil 8.Twitter

   Just winked at myself in a mirror and physically felt the soul leave my body.

   I'm in that awkward stage between jail bait and a cougar - Janie

   would rather go down a slide of razor blades into a pool of lemon juice than go back to work today.

   Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

   You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and damn move on.

   I hope to someday live in a world where we all remember which side the gas tank is on.

   I have seen a lot of women post on their Facebook about how they are missing their men, but I am yet to see a guy update his status about how much he is missing his woman. So my question is which men are these women missing?

   I asked my wife why her facebook password was SneezySleepyDopeyDocHappyBashfulGrumpy she said it needed to be seven characters

   whiskey: the official beverage of the FML

   I remember long ago I was going to make a big splash in this world...Turns out it was only a fart in the tub of life.

   You're the one who posted over a thousand pictures of yourself on-line, why does looking at them make me the weird one?"

   a smile is a sign of joy, a hug is a sign of love, a laugh is a sign of happiness and a friend like me...well...that's a sign of good taste.

   I wonder if those guys who stand in the corners and flip those billboard signs around all day actually applied for that job or did they lose a bet?

   Looks like the forecast for the week is scattered school days.

   What could possibly possess a parent to start a Facebook page for their 2yr. old? What would they (the child) do on here... Swap naptime stories, snack recipes and gossip about the playground with their Day Care buddies??

   One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.