Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   Whenever I get one of those muffled, through-the-purse, four-minute-long voicemail messages where the person thought they hung up but really didn't, I always listen to the entire thing. People do some funny sh*t when they think no one is listening.

   Its daylight saving time again people.. An you know what that means.. Playing another week of “Well it should really be this time instead of that time"We get it! Happens twice a year!

   Never reject anybody in your life, because good people give us happiness and bad people give us experience. Both are essential in life!

   Scientists remain baffled as to why the people on the internet really like pictures of cats and cats doing things.

   I'm not cranky, I just have a violent reaction to stupid people.

   With all these toys in the world, people choose "feelings" to play with.

   Losing friends and alienating people, one day at a time!

   Facebook: All the people you didn't like from high school- now with pictures of their kids!

   it still a disorder if I only cut other people?

   Your cries for attention are like a car alarm at 2 o'clock in the morning........ People only notice it because it's annoying.

   Who else has been drunk the entire month of Mapril?

   Dear women, he does not want a watch for his Birthday. He wants you to dress like a hooker, handcuff him to a chair and have the kind of sex with him that would definitely upset churchgoing people.

   I'd donate to a GoFundMe page dedicated to stopping people from asking me to donate to their GoFundMe page.

   I like to punish people who ask me how I'm doing by giving them a detailed description of how I am doing.

   i don't understand the hype around iOS8, people update java and adobe flash player on a daily basis and don't tell everyone about it.

   Had a weird dream last night where people actually wanted to hear about other people's dreams.

   wishes the world was her own personal globe, one good spin and "certain people" would fall off!!!

   Learned that smiling suppresses the gag reflex...and some people wonder why I smile so much around them!

   wouldn't have to manage her anger if certain people would manage their stupidity.

   Don't you hate it when you get texts from people like "ok" or "ya" and you don't know what to say so you just don't text back.