Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   This is amazing! Copy and paste this as your status, and within 5 minutes, NOTHING WILL HAPPEN! This really works! I tried it twice and it worked both times. Copy and paste this as your status, more people need to know about this ♥♥♥

   Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn't going according to plan...

   Passwords are like underwear. You shouldn't leave them out where people can see them. You should change them regularly. And you shouldn't loan them out to strangers.

   There are three kinds of people: Those that agree with me, those that kinda agree with me...then there are those that are buried in the backyard ;)

   Sometimes I click the "LIKE" button on people's statuses just so I can then click the "UNLIKE" button. One of my many cheap thrills...

   Love how the Salvation Army gets top dollar for donated old crap...I thought they were supposed to help poor people. Sorry Mr. Freezing Homeless guy..that coat is $40.

   How Do People Know Dinosaurs Roared If Nobody Ever Heard One?!,...Maybe, They Meowed

   I love how some of you judge the people that are shopping at Wal-Mart while shopping at Wal- Mart.

   The meteorologist on the news gives the forecast then says, "People don't know the difference between weather and climate." Yes I do: "Oh look, a ladder I don't know weather I should walk under it or climate." See? Told you.

   Highways need 4 lanes per side. A Nascar wannabe, a normal driver, an old people who drive 30 in a 70 and a where the hell am I lane.

   People need to realize that they cant control wether or not their partner cheats on them.

   We played a lot of "Keep The Balloon In The Air" as kids,,,, a game known to most other people as Being Poor.

   My super power is to slap people upside the head when they need it most. No need to thank me. Just doing my job.

   thinks people find me annoying but are too polite to say so, and I find that ...annoying.

   Why do people say ''I saw it with my own eyes." Do they sometimes use other peoples eyes?

   Organized people are just people who are too lazy to look for things.

   My medical ID bracelet says "Probably Drunk".

   I hate when people take my glasses and say "Wow! You really can't see!" I'm like no kidding. I don't take a person's wheelchair and say "Wow! You really can't walk!"

   Pro Tip: If you're on the bus,, and wearing headphones, people can still hear you fart.

   YOLO. Because stupid people don't know what Carpe Diem means.