Drunk people Funny Status Messages

   I was so drunk last night the cops pulled somebody over on T.V and I put my beer under the couch.

   Giving people the benefit of the doubt is usually just a polite way of temporarily overlooking their stupidity.

   Just drunk enough to compose.. Just sober enough to backspace.

   Why do the people with 2000+ friends acknowledge your birthday greeting to them, yet the ones with 62 friends never do?

   The unemployment numbers are twice as bad if you count people who describe themselves as "bloggers."

   thinks that it's people that give drinking a bad name.

   That thing people do with their mouth when they're using their tongue to get food out of their teeth, I bet there's porn for that.

   says the hardest part of being independent is that people may think you're better off alone.

   shocked that Facebook is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people.

   If anyone sees a bunch of people in their front yard tonight, don't be alarmed, were just christmas tree shopping.

   I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.

   You people who don't wear glasses don't realize how gratifying it is to take them off and rub your eyes when someone's being a moron.

   Of all the things my phone can do, its ability to make me look busy while in an elevator with people who think I want to talk to them is my favoritte.

   I wanna have a party with fake alcohol and see how many people act wasted.

   You know what I like most about people? Pets.


   This is a list of people who asked for your opinion.................

   If more people knew what guys did with socks they'd stop giving them to their dad as gifts.

   The problem with the general public is that it's made of people.

   can't believe the crazy things people do while driving. Lady in the car next to me is texting while driving! I nearly dropped my beer when I saw that!

   If the press in Haiti would quit complaining about how things aren't getting done, and would put their cameras & mics down and search, more people might be found!