Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Running out of ideas for entertainment. Thinking about asking the neighborhood to gather in the street 6' apart and do the Hokey Pokey. After all, that is what it's all about.

   After the coronavirus passed I'm going to be in need a facebookers anonymous meeting.

   The other day I opened the center console in my wife’s vehicle and chap sticks sprang out of there like snakes in a can.

   Witchcraft is when your boyfriend uses different condom flavour's on every round 🍎🍆🍇🍓🍒🍐🍉🍍 you go home smelling like fruit salad.

   Why do ugly strippers charge as much as the pretty ones?

   A woman's marriage proposal........ I'm pregnant

   "Just rewards: Being the judge that willbe judging a hearing of your high school bully."

   Are conjoined twin girls joined at the hip called hipsters?

   I had to quit drinking caffeine on DOCTOR'S orders and Alcohol on COURT orders.

   Thanks to Maury I've only had to buy one Mother's Day gift for several years.

   New drinking game! Have to drink every time Wolf Blitzer says "Votes"

   A recent survey shows men lie more than women. How do we know they were telling the truth though?

   I thought smoking at the Vatican was prohibited 0_o clearly a violated rule with the white smoke that's coming out now :-p

   Watching the women's MAC championship. I'm just going to assume that the bulge in the front of their shorts is just a balled up tube sock.

   Lately I realized that appreciation does to me what spinach did to Popeye!

   anybody else worried about this North Korea threat. I've been nuked in "Empires and Allies" and that didn't turn out so well. This might be worse...

   i like my own posts for psychological manipulation of you, also cuz I do like them

   An error occurred while not trying to add your sorry a$$ to my database. Please try again later.

   let the music go...out the window...kinda day...:)

   If you're close minded. Blind fold yourself as if there's nothin more to further see