Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
I love it when people see me reach for something on the floor and keep missing it like a moron. I quickly tell them I'm working on my aerobics exercises.... 
"Hope you're well" has the same amount of syllables as "rot in hell" and is a much more honest way to sign that email to your ex.
The human mind and spirit seek answers revealed in truth, yet ultimately find little more than contradictions, falsehoods and lies.
Can’t figure out if every piano ends up being free or if it’s just the same piano that everyone passes around for free on Facebook Marketplace... 😐
Have you noticed how much tires cost these days? Is that because of inflation or what?
Forget the past for you cannot change it. Forget the future for you cannot predict it. And while you're at it forget the present because I didn't get you one this year.
Since the beginning of the corvid the closest thing to a vacation I've been taking is by logging out of my unpaid job at facebook.
Facebook: Where content takes a back seat to cleavage.
It's Father's Day not FARTHERS DAY Ladies
I'm going to spread this all over your moist cupcake. ~ Baker sext
I just ordered this awesome t-shirt: "I participated in the Brexit vote and all I got was this lousy t-shirt." Hmmm. Too soon.
Did you know people writing 1700's on all their checks was a problem most Americans faced in 1800.
Public Service Announcement: If you plan on using Illegal Fireworks this July 4th weekend .... Please remember to remove their Sombreros first.
"On a scale of 9 to 10, how delicious are Trump's steaks?" -The one and only question asked to potential VP candidates by Trump's vetting team.
Donald Trump promises to defend article 12 of the Constitution after confusing for bankruptcy chapters.
Sure I don't trust CNN or Fox News but this new website I never heard of with your radical views, I'll believe your legitimacy.
The Ghostbusters reboot has ruined more childhoods than the Catholic Church.
The world is falling apart, yet there are m0r0ns chasing Pokemon characters all around town. Where's the comet already.
BREAKING: Chris Christie endorses Hillary Clinton.
Pikachu? Come to my backyard and get a Glockatchu! 