Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
OMFG!! The Titanic sank!! The Titanic sank!!! - My status from 100 years ago today. 
My Native American name would be "Tweets While Driving".
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now."
Now that one Kim is gone, Kardashian can go too
Next time a girl pisses you off... Just tell her your guna slap the sh!t out of her t!tt!es.. Wait for her facial reaction to change.. And then walk away like a BOSS!
Oh no! They blacklisted Pepe Le'Pew. Now where am I gonna get my "moves"?
"What will we get for bombing Syria besides more debt and a possible long term conflict? Obama needs Congressional approval." - Donald Trump on 29th August 2013
Wife: do these jeans make me look fat? Husband: nope it's not the jeans
Ladies, keep it smooth please. No guy wants to floss his teeth while he's down there
Has anyone even considered that the missing Malaysian airliner just may have been Wonder Woman's invisible jet?
My reaction to the royals William and Kate visiting Australia is the same reaction I had to their kid being born. I couldn't give a f you c k!!
Ladies;if a guy invites you to his place and u're like..."hope we not fucking" there's a Special place for you in hell
Looks like Eric Cantor was defeated by some Brat.
just opened a store next to 'Forever 21', called 'Finally 22'
We can stop Iran from buiding a nuclear bomb by just pointing all our nuclear bombs at them...
Happy Father's Day, Caitlyn Jenner!!!!
I like my woman like I like my beer; brown, smooth, and goes down without any problems.
As a guy, the hardest thing about shopping for pants is asking the clerk if they make your butt look fat.
Fighting for peace is like f**king for virginity!!!
instant superhero, just add alcohol 