~heZz~ Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon 1 in 5 relationships now start online. The other 4 will end online.
←Rate | 02-21-2011 01:49 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  

   messageicon On my way to the kid's school... apparently, a nicotine patch is not an appropriate substitute for a band-aid.
←Rate | 04-13-2012 23:14 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, damn, you're good. Fool me four times…expect a drive-by
←Rate | 01-05-2011 17:00 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Have you ever read a book or watched a film that touched your soul so deeply it changed your entire outlook on life? I just took a dump like that….
←Rate | 01-01-2011 19:02 by ~heZz~ Comments (2)  

   messageicon So what happened?? Did London just find out about the Rodney King verdict
←Rate | 08-12-2011 00:50 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Tonight marks the 83rd Consecutive Anniversary of me not watching the Oscars
←Rate | 02-28-2011 01:58 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'd rather shower with my parents than go shopping on Black Friday...
←Rate | 11-27-2013 14:12 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  

   messageicon It only took Kim Kardashian 72 days to realize that Kris Humphries wasn't black
←Rate | 11-01-2011 21:51 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I was a kid, snow days cost $100 and only lasted a few hours...
←Rate | 01-28-2011 00:18 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  

   messageicon doesn't dress up for Halloween cause I'm a character all year long...
←Rate | 10-24-2010 22:30 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm really starting to get concerned about the lack of seatbelt use on the bangbus..
←Rate | 03-26-2012 21:22 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you had asked me a year ago, “what do think is more important, the Cheese or the Cracker?” I would have said “Cheese”, all day…But now, I've come to the realization, that the cracker plays an equally pivotal roll for this prominent combinat
←Rate | 10-20-2011 01:47 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  

   messageicon The sad reality is, after 16 & Pregnant, Teen Mom and Jersey Shore, "Milf-Murder Acquittals" was probably going to be the next MTV hit anyways..
←Rate | 07-06-2011 21:04 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  

   messageicon The English language is the easiest to learn because even if you get it wrong, so do most of the natives
←Rate | 11-03-2011 00:50 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  

   messageicon life is like a box of chocolates..and sometimes you get ex lax....
←Rate | 08-30-2010 01:02 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  

   messageicon "I like my popcorn a little burnt". No, you don't. You just suck at making popcorn
←Rate | 04-30-2011 00:48 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  

   messageicon I just came up with a new reality show. It's called "Pushing the Kardashians Into Oncoming Traffic." One episode is all you'll need....
←Rate | 06-09-2011 00:22 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  

   messageicon Some people struggle with their addictions. I embrace them.
←Rate | 01-22-2011 17:55 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  

   messageicon BAD NEWS: I've never been in love. GOOD NEWS: I've never been in Courtney Love.
←Rate | 01-27-2011 03:12 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  

   messageicon just opened a store next to 'Forever 21', called 'Finally 22'
←Rate | 01-11-2014 16:10 by ~heZz~ Comments (0)  


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