Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Search Messages:
Brett Favre has thrown his hat into the ring to replace the injured Jay Cutler. The hat was immediately intercepted and returned for a TD. 
I'm convinced...you can set up a profile, put up a pic of a t-urd in a skirt and hi heels wearing make-up, and some l0ser on fb will comment..."UR BEAUTIFUL!"
I just inadvertently murdered two snails in front of what I can only assume was their son. As a result, I may have just created the snail equivalent of the batman.
I just want a woman who can lick the crumbs from the bottom of a Pringles tube.
I always cry after sex... $400.00 is a lot of money.
I bet an air freshener that smells like stale cigarette smoke would last forever.
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
I don't understand stalking an ex following them everywhere they go. You got hurt. Grow up and deal with it as an adult. Have sex with one of their friends or create a fake facebook account. This is 2013, get with the times.
Women use men for free food and get mad when we use them for sex.
Hell hath no fury like a Facebook friend deleted and blocked.
there an STD named 'Miley Virus' yet?
My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I'm dating an animal :(
Kill them with kindness ..and then fart as you walk away
You treat your body like a temple? That’s nice......... I treat mine like a wh0reh0use above a liquor store next to a 24 hr Taco Bell.
once you learn how to be happy, you won't tolerate being around people who make you feel anything less.
I wrote a status about unemployment earlier, but didn't post it. It needs some work.
Everything I know about dancing I learned from the Charlie Brown Christmas party.
I need a tax person who’s not afraid of prison.
As a driver, I hate pedestrians and as a pedestrian, I hate drivers. But no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate bicyclists.
I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to a bicycle. 