Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   I'm white,, but not "donates to PBS public television for $50 a month to receive a Free DVD of the programm I just watched for Free".. white.

   We had our first meeting of the Rule Club... There was a fight.

   Give a vegan a fish,,, then never hear the end of it.

   How many light bulbs does it take to change people?

   I love running my fingers through my girlfriend's hair. It's also a great way to let her know we're out of napkins.

   I can't believe Razor Companys are making any money.....$40 for 10 blades thet cost $.25 to make???

   They say one glass of wine a day is good for you. They never say how many times to fill it tho ;)

   That last fart smells like why I am single.

   Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

   Religion is a spiritual joke thats gone too far.

   Some women cook salt with a bit of food in it.

   I'm "when wrestling was the WWF, not WWE" years old.

   For a guy who could turn water into wine, it’s surprising Jesus wasn’t a hit with the ladies.

   4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot to reduce their fractions

   I still haven't been able to deal with the fact that Jessica Simpson has had two children and didn't name either one "Homer"

   That moment you read a girls status that shouts out how much she loves her "brother", meanwhile you know shes an only child. #friendzoned

   If you water an apple tree with apple juice, is it forced cannibalism...?

   2 large ships stuck in ice during Antarctic summer. One of them an icebreaker. Al Gore could not be reached for comment.

   I finally figured out how to get rid of that annoying sound in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out!!

   Horseradish sauce is my favorite condiment named after mustang spooge.