Grifter Funny Status Messages
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It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full. There is clearly room for more alcohol....
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03-03-2011 08:48 by Grifter
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The Pope mobile: Because nothing says "I have faith in God!" like 4 inches of bulletproof glass.
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12-02-2010 05:32 by Grifter
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Wouldn't it be great if Ctrl+Alt+Del worked on stupid people?
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03-04-2011 08:57 by Grifter
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A law that made it illegal to lie about military medals has just been overturned. On a side note, my resumé just got a lot more interesting......
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10-16-2010 11:51 by Grifter
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got his test results back this morning and is shocked to find that he's been diagnosed with OCD. He's called the doctors nine times to check if they're correct....
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11-23-2010 20:56 by Grifter
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I just wish my mouth had a backspace key....
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10-19-2010 21:31 by Grifter
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Have you ever looked at someone and said to yourself, "Life would be so much better if their mom had just swallowed"?
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03-15-2011 09:11 by Grifter
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Fun idea of the day: Don't have kids? Hire a babysitter anyway, say kid is asleep upstairs and not to be woken. On your return ask where your child is.....
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12-28-2010 21:02 by Grifter
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Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car....
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11-28-2010 10:23 by Grifter
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There are very, very few things it's ok to say to someone at the next urinal. "You must take vitamins", is not one of them....
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12-06-2011 11:09 by Grifter
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I shaved my commute time in half by changing my car's horn to sound like gunfire....
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03-02-2011 16:28 by Grifter
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Sometimes just for laughs, I slip condoms into the carts of little old ladies at the grocery store and then watch for the checker's reaction....
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12-06-2011 11:05 by Grifter
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as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar....
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08-10-2011 17:05 by Grifter
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A parent's only as good as their dumbest kid. If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed....
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11-20-2010 11:21 by Grifter
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I went to a bookstore last night and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose....
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11-28-2010 10:21 by Grifter
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I wish I could commute to work by roller-coaster....
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08-15-2011 10:22 by Grifter
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My neighbor was banging on my door at 3 a.m.! Can you believe that? 3 a.m.! Luckily, I was still up playing my drums....
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03-25-2014 00:21 by Grifter
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Being a politician is a lot like being a hooker. You can't be one unless you can pretend to like people while you're screwing them....
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11-20-2010 11:09 by Grifter
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I have an oven with a 'stop time' button. It's probably meant to be 'stop timer' but I don't touch it, just in case...
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11-23-2010 20:54 by Grifter
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It's been so long since I made love, I can't even remember who gets tied up...
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11-28-2010 10:22 by Grifter
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