Jackbrass Funny Status Messages

   Why are porn DVDs 8 hours long? I was done before the opening credits.

   Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

   If you go to google and type " why does my " in the search box. Read some of the suggestions on there and you'll see why I hate people.

   Cop to a hooker: What would your mother do if she seen you out here doing this? Hooker: She'd kill me, this is her corner.

   The only way I would honestly be able to say you are "hot" is if you were set on fire.

   I'm ecstatic about this radioactive wind, this is my closest chance to get those superpowers I always wanted. Thanks japan!

   People have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and pinning the tail on the donkey – but I bet everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, every time.

   Ah April 20th, the day the word dude was born.

   I hate my ducking iPhone, why the he'll won the son of a botch let me ducking swear? This is passing me off!

   People should stop arguing about ps3 and. Xbox. We all know the best system is was and always will be the nintendo 64!

   6 family members had a birthday this month and thanks to Facebook I knew that this year.

   I didn't even want sex out of the deal. I just wanted a nice sandwich.

   Home: the place I can poop for as long as I want to.

   Commercials used to be funny. Now they're just like "hey stupid! Buy this!"

   Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a--hole.

   Ever since my roommate got a new uptight, b!tchy girlfriend he's been acting like a real d!ck to everyone. So one night I took his phone, went on his facebook and checked in at a male strip club, then a gay bar, then a wmca. He's single again.DontBeAd!ck

   A girl sleeps wit a lot of men she's a sl*t, but if a guy sleeps with alot of women he's the man. Not a double standard, look at it like this. If a key opens alot of locks it's a master key, if a lock gets opened by alot of keys then it's a sh*tty lock.

   How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?

   I think cartoon characters should age every season, I wouldn't mind if alot of them were killed off due to old age.

   I wish I could help run a country into the ground and still take a 100,000 trip for my birthday.