David B Funny Status Messages

   If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

   I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

   When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you're pretty much dead no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.

   So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it.

   Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look out your little window and think, "Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in that."

   my son Xander (5) got in trouble and sent to his room. He comes out a few minutes later and tried to bribe me into letting him out by give me a $1 bill. A lesser man would have succombed I tell you.....

   invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.

   If you ever crawl inside an old hollow log and go to sleep, and while you're in there some guys come and seal up both ends and then put it on a truck and take it to another city, boy, I don't know what to tell you.

   put a dyslexic joke on FB. Unfortunately, I have some dyslexic friends. I never heard the den of it from them!

   ˙sıɥʇ op pןnoɔ noʎ ɥsıʍ noʎ ʍouʞ noʎ

   So if I get stopped by a cop in AZ and they ask me "Papers" and I respond "Scissors!", who wins?