Funny Status Messages

   Throughout all this freezin weather and snow we have been gettin,all my mrs has done is stare through the window.....i guess if it gets any worse I'm gonna have to let her in !!!

   Well the Christmas spirit is boxed up and back into the attic for another year.

   Don't like me? Have a seat with the rest of the a$$holes waiting in line for me to give a f*ck.

   I have a secret, I see offline people....

   There will be no tomorrow. When it gets here, it will be today. I've played this waiting game before.

   I'm so exhausted from my French self-defense course. I've never had to run so far in all my life!

   LOGOUT: The hardest button to click on Facebook.

   User "Anonymous" you are the most annoying person on earth. If there is anything wrong or negative to say to anything you are the man! Get a life or at least a job…

   When you’re only 14 and you have no friends. This is what you do?

   I farted in Walmart and the lady next to me asked what kind of perfume I was wearing

   the pope is in Israel with a sheikh and a rabbi. if they don't walk into a bar, it's all for nothing!

   Your screenshots of text message conversations tell me: 1. you have a great sense of humor 2. to never trust you

   Getting a neck tattoo is probably the coolest way to show your love for manual labour.

   I don't use hashtags, but if anybody wants one I still have an extra one I got from IKEA... You'll just need to assemble it.. // =

   My Nephew asked me if I knew anything about Galileo .... "Do I" I said, "I know he was a Poor Boy that Nobody loved, from a Poor Family."

   your 15 second video will start after this 30 min. commercial...

   Dr. Oz says rubbing coffee grounds on your naked body prevents cellulite. But apparently you cant do it in Starbucks & now the cops are here

   If people say you're acting "really weird," take it as a compliment that you usually only act semi-weird and now you're totally nailin' it.

   Some psychologists say that sleeping naked can help boost a person's confidence, but nobody in this park seems to appreciate it.

   I dont understand why dentists in toothpase advertisements have stethoscope around their neck...