Funny Status Messages

   Wonder how those “I’ll never spank my Children doing” parents are doing. Y’all Good ?

   You can still have sex during the quarantine as long as you stay 6 feet apart and there are less than 10 people, right?

   Just walked into the shower with my underwear on... how’s everybody else’s quarantine going?

   I'm not sure I'm excited about ordering a drink at a bar once they open again. The drinks are going to be awfully weak compared to what I've been pouring!!

   Congratulations to the astronauts that left Earth today. Good choice.

   The first thing a man looks at in a woman is her heart. The fact that her boobs are in front of her heart is not our fault.

   Sorry I followed your minivan for thirty miles. I got caught up in the movie your kids were watching and wanted to see how it ended.

   For a song called " piano man" dude with the harmonica won't shut the hell up

   At what point did Cardi B think to herself, "I'm tired of this life, I should try to be a singer," while she was dancing around the stripper pole?

   Netflix is raising their rates again, as if we weren't paying enough to endlessly scroll their menu finding nothing good to watch.

   I'm aware that Flesh-Eating Bacteria is terrible, but if anyone knows of a Fat-Eating bacteria I'm all ears.

   I am giving up drinking for a month. Sorry, that came out wrong... I am giving up. Drinking for a month.

   People who think they can run away from their problems have obviously never farted on a treadmill.

   Can you imagine the pressure Morgan Freeman's mom felt reading him a bedtime story?

   Watching the media CRASH AND BURN is a joke in itself.

   Meanwhile, female Asian voters are upset over a disappointing erection.

   Yay ... Now that the election's over it's nice to see some good old fashioned humor here once again. Oh .... wait .... never mind!

   In these trying times, I want to find good in this world so here goes,,,,, I am extremely grateful that Cap'n Crunch leaves far more gently than it enters.

   At first glance, the word "Diputseromneve" looks confusing and retarded. However, if you read it backwards it's even more stupid.

   Scott Baio is not a part of the Presidential transition team. I’m really disappointed that Charles is not in Charge of anything.