Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

   Whats the point of a High School Reunion? I have Facebook, I already know you got fat!

   I don't understand why you're mad. I used YOUR name as my password, honey! :) Who cares if the "hint" to retrieve it is ....BlTCH?

   A police recruit was asked during exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest ur own wife?" He said, "Call for backup."

   Happy 4th of July!!! Enjoy: BBQing, setting off fireworks, and if you live in the country, shooting at random sh!t.

   I hate it when someone starts telling me something, but they end up saying "nevermind."

   Backwards is overrated. I want a girl who'll bend over frontwards for me.

   If you're going to block me... then you better block all of my friends on FB! Right guys? Guys? Hello? Dammit! :(

   I wish my life was more like a professional wrestler's. I'd walk into work with entrance music, pyrotechnics, and a laser light show.

   I have a new rule: No one is allowed to talk to me for a minimum of 24 hours after I wake up.

   When my girlfriend and I decided to make it official, I told her: I have to tell you, before we met, I was... well...promiscuous. Oh cool she exclaimed. I love Greek mythology.

   My GF just walked straight past me in Walmart without seeing me! Maybe I should put a 50% off sticker on my chest..

   It seems like my life is a constant cycle of waiting until the weekend and then not doing anything when it comes.

   My bud just updated his Facebook status: "I love my girlfriend so much. You are my world xxxxx." I wonder why her name's encrypted.

   Friend: "What should be engraved on the inside of my husband-to-be's wedding ring? I want something that has meaning and will remind him of me." Me:"PUT IT BACK ON!"

   There’s nothing more annoying than having a song stuck in your head that you don’t know all the words to.

   You send me endless invites to play games here on Facebook but didn't send me an invite to your party...

   If I gave a sh*t, you'd be the 1st person I'd give it to.

   Tu pac's of Eminems are 50 cents, That's Ludacris! I want my Nickelback.

   disappointed that no matter how many times he bangs his head, he doesn't see any cartoon birds.

   I was counting sheep but those little b@stards started talking to me and now I REALLY can't sleep. Plus, I'm high.