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flinnie Funny Status Messages
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Page: 9 of 33
Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
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01-10-2013 06:07 by
flinnie
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The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
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04-23-2012 09:00 by
flinnie
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The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
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02-19-2013 06:15 by
flinnie
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Next time you're on the phone and a customer service rep asks "Is there anything else I can do for you?" whisper "Smile for the camera, I'm watching you" & hang up
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03-23-2012 09:20 by
flinnie
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I'll usually hug people when it's obvious they only want to shake hands
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08-24-2011 16:13 by
flinnie
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My parents never allowed violent video games. Just family-friendly board games with questions like, "Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
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04-29-2015 12:23 by
flinnie
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Saying, "We need to talk," is the most efficient way to freak someone out
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03-08-2012 05:13 by
flinnie
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When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
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02-13-2012 09:24 by
flinnie
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Fact: the domestic Cat remains the only species that's trained humans to clean up poop in exchange for conditional love.
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01-19-2012 07:13 by
flinnie
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To all the waiters out there: we don't get impressed when you try to memorize our orders, we just get nervous.
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05-09-2013 06:28 by
flinnie
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just read that women are smarter than men. Really?! Have you ever met a man that "fell in" the toilet in the middle of the night?
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04-19-2011 00:36 by
flinnie
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When a woman puts on a low cut shirt, she's basically saying she wants to win all arguments for the day.
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03-26-2012 13:28 by
flinnie
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The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
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10-12-2015 09:44 by
flinnie
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I'm terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.
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03-30-2015 04:48 by
flinnie
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I finally overcame my fear of skinny dipping. Unfortunately it cost me my YMCA membership.
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02-24-2013 07:56 by
flinnie
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ever look at your old pillow without its case? Looks like a civil war bandage. Do our heads ooze syrup when we sleep?
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08-11-2011 01:37 by
flinnie
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Why are doctors so afraid of apples anyway?
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04-21-2012 05:41 by
flinnie
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A handprint in clay is a great Father's Day gift from a three year old. Kinda creepy from a thirty year old, though.
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06-16-2012 06:24 by
flinnie
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The older you get, the harder it gets to find someone willing to share a horse costume with you.
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03-19-2012 19:43 by
flinnie
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Ever see one sneaker in the road? How does this happen? Does a jogger get home look down at their feet and say "Not again...lost another one"
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12-10-2011 06:06 by
flinnie
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