Baddie Funny Status Messages

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Page: 9 of 15

   messageicon My online dating profile is just a picture of my ex-wife and the words "NOT THIS."
←Rate | 10-11-2014 13:24 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm white but not "I enjoy engaging people in discussions about antioxidants" white.
←Rate | 10-10-2014 01:38 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best thing about marriage is how wives always like to joke about making sure the life insurance premiums are paid up... lol!
←Rate | 10-08-2014 14:05 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon [the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn't matter if its a dog, it's still called a cat scan"
←Rate | 10-08-2014 09:09 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anyone know where I can get a medic alert bracelet for "does not make small talk?"
←Rate | 10-07-2014 14:54 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon How much for that babysitter? Ma'am, that's a roll of duct tape I'll take it!
←Rate | 10-06-2014 13:46 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Has science explained why you have to walk around the house when on the phone?
←Rate | 10-06-2014 02:26 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "LSD causes users to lose weight" Obviously. You can't eat when a dragon is guarding the fridge.
←Rate | 10-06-2014 02:21 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd like the ability to call the car in front of me & tell the driver to pull her head out of her ass. Where are we on this technology?
←Rate | 10-06-2014 02:17 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just woke up and realized I didn't have to.
←Rate | 10-04-2014 14:19 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You can lose weight but unfortunately you can't lose ugly.
←Rate | 10-04-2014 07:51 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank god the Beastie Boys fought for my right to party I'm just sitting on my couch though
←Rate | 10-02-2014 14:45 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Like a good neighbor,I don't really care.
←Rate | 10-01-2014 14:03 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some idiot just told me to "Take a hike" as if I don't love nature and finding inner strength through solitude
←Rate | 09-30-2014 13:33 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought Match .com was a place to arrange fights to the death, but turns out it's a website to find love. So I was close.
←Rate | 09-30-2014 13:23 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You had me at hello...oh you weren't talking to me.
←Rate | 09-28-2014 13:58 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My coffee was so bitter this morning you'd think I had divorced it.
←Rate | 09-27-2014 14:26 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend, a fat less attractive girl is.
←Rate | 09-27-2014 13:43 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm sorry I put on surgical gloves to shake your hand.
←Rate | 09-24-2014 08:39 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm "got my sexual education from a 2 Live Crew cassette tape" years old.
←Rate | 09-24-2014 08:10 by Baddie Comments (0)  



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