Snotty Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I guess you could call her a trophy wife. She’s tattooed with the names of the previous winners.
←Rate | 03-12-2014 19:56 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon We should hang out and stare at our phones.
←Rate | 04-20-2012 17:06 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I Saw a Vespa crash into a Toyota Prius today...... There was glitter everywhere.
←Rate | 04-28-2012 19:25 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon By the volume of the pans clanging amd slamming in the kitchen... I think I'm supposed to be volunteering to help with something
←Rate | 08-28-2012 07:23 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon This woman at Walmart has a lovely set of March Madness teeth.. She's down to the final 4.
←Rate | 03-13-2012 19:10 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to my current parking spot I'm a physician
←Rate | 05-18-2013 18:58 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't have a pet,, so I adopted this spider, but the stupid thing won't even chase the laser pen,,, It's got 8 eyes so I *know* he sees it.
←Rate | 04-01-2012 17:39 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lord Almighty, Adele...REALLY ?,, Just burn his house down & get on with your life already.
←Rate | 04-02-2012 07:49 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm just saying it might be a good idea for Liam Neeson's to take his family members to the vets and get them microchipped.
←Rate | 01-16-2015 08:34 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Sesame Street really cared about children,,, they'd realize Big Bird could feed a hungry family for a month.
←Rate | 10-16-2013 18:33 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The brownies I started making in my Easy Bake Oven in 1987 are ready if you guys want one.
←Rate | 11-18-2015 17:43 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to the holiday my status will be closed... I Will reopen tomorrow at 8am. Sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.. Enjoy your day people!!
←Rate | 09-05-2011 06:38 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every meal I didn't have to cook myself,, is the best meal I've ever had.
←Rate | 03-22-2012 20:35 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I could really use one of those Chris Farley,, 'down by the river',, speeches right about now...
←Rate | 06-04-2012 20:49 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around,,, Will the entire tree still be used to print a single CVS receipt?
←Rate | 04-03-2014 19:00 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Top Gun was so unrealistic,,, Everyone knows Tom Cruise can't reach the clutch on a motorcycle.
←Rate | 11-18-2013 07:56 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time someone gives you a business card, stick it in your mouth and eat it without breaking off eye contact
←Rate | 09-15-2012 16:26 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Pretty sure I look forward to my boss' vacation's more than he does.
←Rate | 07-24-2013 19:45 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half diagonally...........Listen,, I don't make the rules people.
←Rate | 05-10-2012 08:34 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey,,Just started reading "The Chubby Checker Story". No spoilers please,,,,,,, apparently there's a twist.
←Rate | 11-29-2011 16:29 by snotty Comments (0)  



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