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2020: A masked guy puts lasagna in your trunk and then you drive away.
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04-17-2020 06:37
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I don't know how you ladies can pluck your eyebrows out.. I just pulled a stray moustache hair and cried like a little girl
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06-22-2020 22:20
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Dieting is when you eat foods that make you sad and leave feeling hungry still.
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06-29-2020 11:45
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Me 9am, "I think I'll make roasted chicken and mashed potatoes for dinner."... Me 5pm, "Hi, I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza for delivery..."
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07-13-2020 18:58 by
Gabe
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It's so cold out I walked into my bank and the tellers were wearing ski masks
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01-07-2018 23:08 by
Depirts
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Know how old I am? I still owe Blockbuster $2 for not rewinding St. Elmo's Fire.
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01-12-2018 09:40
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Common sense is so rare this days, it should almost be classified as a superpower
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01-17-2018 03:24
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Countries should not send athletes to the Olympics as a reward, but should send stupid people as a punishment. Your annoying coworker? Ski jumping. Natural selection as its best
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02-15-2018 11:34
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I just saved a$1,375.00 on my Visa card by not going to Disney World .
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02-17-2018 15:37
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Today I am contemplating how much longer I would live if someone shouted "Run for your life!"
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03-06-2018 12:30
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Horse racing is like NASCAR only slower and with poop.
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03-27-2018 10:37
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Everyone romaine calm and lettuce pray.
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11-22-2018 13:41
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I like being invited to things, it’s the showing up that bothers me.
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12-23-2018 15:17 by
Kisstopher707
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Why is it I have to use leaves as toilet paper when I go camping while bears get to use Charmin?
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02-10-2019 19:47
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"Thank-you Robert Kraft and R. Kelly!" - Jussie Smollett
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02-22-2019 21:27 by
Gil
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Thank you, True Crime, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn’t stop that murder.
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02-27-2019 07:54
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I'm no socialist but I do believe everyone is born with an inherent right to as many dipping sauces for their mcnuggets as they want.
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05-05-2019 13:01
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Apparently, when you supply HR with a urine sample, it has to be because they requested it.
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08-27-2019 04:24
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Single white sock seeks same.
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09-06-2019 12:31
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I was going to wash my car in my driveway but then I realized I don't own a halter top or cut-off shorts.
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09-25-2019 12:59
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