Funny Status Messages

   They say that every person who enters your life makes a difference in it, my question for you is are you gonna be a scar or a beauty mark?

   I won a trip to China now am stuck here waiting to win a trip back home

   Santa loves the rich kids more.

   Change is good..especially if you wear diapers!

   So excited: my DVD collection of "Hoarders" is almost complete! And on VHS! Also on Blu-ray and 8mm film. And LaserDisc. Where is my cat?

   I wish there was a "I liked your Facebook status until every one of your moron friends had to comment on it

   The Klondike Bar found out what I did for it, and now it's blackmailing me."

   Twitter: Its just like being stranded on a "lonely" island and writing a small, meaningless message to be put in a bottle and thrown out to sea hoping somebody will write you back.

   Fine don't text me back then. It's not like I'm obsessively checking my phone or anything.

   thinks that if you see someone healthy parking in a handicapped zone, when they exit their car, you should be able to make an honest person out of them!

   Snow Tip: The other people out shoveling are called "neighbors." They are like Facebook friends who live nearby.

   I'm on a 30 day diet. So far I've lost 15 days.

   Men can do their Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on Christmas Eve in 25 minutes.

   My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

   I personally know that being stupid is its own reward

   White Chocolate Milk. Tell me your mind wasn't blown just now...

   "Let's save this so we can throw it away in few days" - Tupperware

   Watching CNN coverage of Irene, reporter is standing holding on for dear life... ready to fall over from the wind... 75lb. girl walks by with her ipod on walking her dog and not even off balance. AMERCIA at its best!

   Turns out, if your boss is mad at you, playing a surprise game of "Got Your Nose" will NOT ease the tension.

   Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner