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The games haven't even started yet and already there are people complaining about the horrible accommodations at the Sochi Olympic village. Toilets don't flush. The faucets spew discolored water. They say it's like being on a Royal Caribbean cruise. 
Waffles are just Pancakes with abs.
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
Comcast acquiring Time Warner Cable is like Nickelback and Creed deciding to go on tour together.
Kim and Kanye have been married WAY longer then I expected.
Sorry I called the police when I saw you running, I didn't know you did that for fun.
It's called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I'd of sent a bloody letter
Just heard a lady say "When in doubt, get a pizza"... I don't know who this woman is but she's my new life coach.
The most expensive part of having kids is all the booze I drink.
I wanted to lose 10 pounds this year. I only have 13 more to go!
Before forming an opinion on an important social topic, ask yourself: what would a completely unqualified millionaire celebrity actor think?
I used to question how much information was too much information. Joined Facebook It's much clearer now
After spending any time on social media you can understand why they need to write "Do Not Eat" on silica packets.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked pizza. Then I made tacos because they don't live in a swing state.
The downside of fame? I can't walk out of a nice restaurant without immediately getting harassed and hounded by a waiter holding the bill.
I'm pretty sure my inability to take things seriously, will one day get me murdered.
There is a big difference between drinking to get drunk and drinking to stay warm, and HR needs to learn that difference.
Common Sense, So rare it's kinda like a super power.
When someone says: "We can still be friends" what they really mean is: "I'm not interested. Here's a consolation prize for all those wasted years."
Dear HBO, thanks so much for the porn every night, sincerely, kids everywhere 