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I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers. 
The only difference between doggy style and reverse cowgirl is who wants to watch the TV more.
My favorite yoga pose is mouthward facing pie.
How many Denver broncos does it take to change a flat tire? One, unless it's a blowout, then the whole team shows up
The games haven't even started yet and already there are people complaining about the horrible accommodations at the Sochi Olympic village. Toilets don't flush. The faucets spew discolored water. They say it's like being on a Royal Caribbean cruise.
Waffles are just Pancakes with abs.
The only reason I liked your post was because I was trying to clean a smudge off my screen.
Comcast acquiring Time Warner Cable is like Nickelback and Creed deciding to go on tour together.
My trust issues are so bad that I don't even believe people when they use their turn signals.
No more Game of Thrones for my husband. Every time I eat a donut he follows me around the house saying "Shame. Shame. Shame."
Ashley Madison's servers were hacked, just in case your husband seems really nervous today for no reason...
Sometimes I worry that I'm gonna run out of status material... Then I look around at my family and I'm like, naaa I'm good.
I carry a yoga mat but it's only because I get sleepy after lunch
Not to cause a panic but i'm starting to think we're running out of things to stuff inside pizza crust.
So red or white wine with hamburger helper?
Screw coffee, I want whatever this happy singing bird is on. Times three.
You'll all be sorry when I figure out how to breathe fire.
Relationship status – bathing everyday isn't a priority anymore.
A guy at work calls me "Partner" and another guy calls me "Chief". Apparently we're playing Cowboys and Indians and I'm a double agent.
Girls get away with wearing guys crap but wear one hair scrunchy and now the daughter says I can't pick her up from school anymore
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