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When life hands you high fructose corn syrup, citric acid, ascorbic acid, maltodextrin, sodium acid pyrophosphate, magnesium oxide, calcium fumarate, yellow 5, tocopherol, and less than 2% natural flavors...make lemonade.
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11-26-2011 20:47 by
g0re
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I wonder what I did at work before I had and I-phone and Facebook.
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11-28-2011 23:52 by
ff1241
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Sometimes I look at what someone is wearing and I can't help but think, "did you give up on life?"
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12-01-2011 00:31 by
KISSTOPHER
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Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves. And thats where I come in.
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12-13-2011 09:13 by
flinnie
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Despite protests, my wife has yet to step down from her post as the oppressive leader of our house.
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12-19-2011 14:14 by
flinnie
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Some people are so dumb that I automatically assume their parents are siblings.
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01-29-2012 12:47
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Trust is like an eraser. It gets smaller and smaller after every mistake.
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02-07-2012 09:10 by
XX-FOXY
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A guide to hating people. Step 1: get to know them.
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02-08-2012 16:29 by
CindyAnn
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If I ever get a Jury Summons, I figure I can just send them a link to my Facebook page to get out of it.
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02-09-2012 04:04 by
CindyAnn
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I'm a kind and generous person, except for those days when, for no apparent reason, I hate pretty much everyone.
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02-09-2012 04:06 by
CindyAnn
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Forget Valentine's Day, National Pancake day is the 16th!
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02-13-2012 22:03
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When I was young I used to poke holes in my parent's condoms so that there could be someone else to do the dishes.
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02-18-2012 11:01
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Why do they keep records of people who died due to alcohol, but not the records of people who were born thanks to it?
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02-21-2012 12:45 by
Czovczov
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I love it when I read a post and I think ive read the page but its just some idiot reposting a post from a few pages back.
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03-03-2012 12:38
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Facebook seems like the best place to come out of the closet. If it doesn't go over well you can just say you were hacked.
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06-02-2012 13:59
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Sometimes, when two people love each other very much, they get married and ruin everything.
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06-20-2012 21:52 by
BEGO
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the local weather: We are expecting 2 to 3 feet of drama this evening with bullshit blowing in from all directions!
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06-24-2012 02:30
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I hate finding out I'm arguing with someone who actually knows what they're talking about.
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06-24-2012 12:51
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Huh, turns out that staying up until 4 am and surfing adult sites is not considered insomnia. Thank God!!! I really thought I had a problem…..
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06-26-2012 02:56
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I had a girlfriend that said she was leaving me because I was so arrogant! I told her to close the door on her way back in!!!
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06-26-2012 09:39 by
Abraham Lincoln
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