Funny Status Messages

   Walmart is asking customers to wear masks. Good luck with that. They can't even get them to wear pants...

   If TuPac and Biggie were still alive Kanye would be folding T-Shirts at the Gap right about now.

   If you think human beings have evolved a lot. Look at how much Egyptians worshiped cats... Then go look at Facebook for about 5 minutes.

   You knew it was coming: Marvel has fallen to the Woke Mob, introduces trans superheroes.

   I say we legalize all drugs at the Olympics. Let's see how fast these MF's can run!

   Television is the monster in your home, and it’s called a program for a reason. It has been designed to psychologically change the ways that you view reality.

   Some people won’t admit their faults. I would, if I had any.

   "Elon Musk" sounds like a new fragrance from Pierre Cardin.

   If lost in the woods, build a shelter. The tax man will be there shortly.

   There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.

   At Pet Smart teaching all the parrots to say, Fu!c Joe Biden.

   The bad thing about political jokes is sometimes they get elected. . .

   Since we cancelled COPS, & LivePD can we also cancel The View?

   People who read tabloids deserve to be lied to.

   When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.

   It’s always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it’s just hilarious.

   the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it

   Bigfoot saw me yesterday but no one believes him.

   If you grew up wanting to be a Plumber or a Pizza delivery boy, You watched too much porn as a kid.

   It sucks being a grown up. Nobody tells you you did a good job when you eat all of your food.