snotty Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon "Any way you can speed this up, officer? I'm obviously in a hurry."
←Rate | 08-02-2013 19:15 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congrats on winning an argument with your woman...... Your prize is a night on the couch.
←Rate | 09-01-2013 17:22 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it's safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
←Rate | 03-05-2013 12:44 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey person calling from a blocked number, I'm not answering...... Ever.
←Rate | 03-30-2013 11:56 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had a mishap while making coffee just now that is best explained through interpretive dance...
←Rate | 03-31-2012 14:52 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most frustrating thing I've ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
←Rate | 12-13-2015 19:44 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say men think about sex every 7 seconds, so when I eat a hotdog I try to finish it in 6 seconds so it doesn’t get awkward.
←Rate | 02-06-2016 07:32 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms... 2. Describing tumors... 3. Playing golf
←Rate | 04-30-2014 07:32 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon *whispers* ...and here we have a teen loading a washer with clothes--unprovoked... A rare sight, seldom witnessed outside captivity.
←Rate | 09-21-2013 08:00 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
←Rate | 10-01-2013 07:36 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
←Rate | 10-12-2013 10:47 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dad's TV volume is always set at "screw the neighbors".
←Rate | 10-20-2013 07:34 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook: "Do you want to tag Jennifer in this Picture?" Me: Hmmmm. does it make her look fat? Then yes, yes I do.
←Rate | 10-28-2013 17:00 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I assumed a coworker was pregnant. She told me no, just six months fat... We laughed and laughed and then she stabbed me.
←Rate | 11-14-2013 22:27 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Possible "Breaking Amish" sequels:.. #1:Friday Night Without Lights... #2:That 1870's Show... #3:The Big Barn Theory...#4:Not-Modern Family
←Rate | 09-26-2014 19:12 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know it's 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
←Rate | 04-06-2012 18:04 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.
←Rate | 02-16-2013 06:37 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time someone presses the elevator button you've already pressed,,, act totally impressed & tell them they did it waaaay better than you.
←Rate | 04-08-2012 08:31 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I was single, I would have a stick figure of myself on the back of my car next to a bag of cash.
←Rate | 05-28-2012 08:47 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have a theory that the world will end in 5105, and we've been reading the Mayan calendar upside down
←Rate | 01-11-2012 18:04 by snotty Comments (2)  



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