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Snotty Funny Status Messages
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Page: 7 of 22
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I'm obviously in a hurry."
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08-02-2013 19:15 by
snotty
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Congrats on winning an argument with your woman...... Your prize is a night on the couch.
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09-01-2013 17:22 by
snotty
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I think it's safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
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03-05-2013 12:44 by
snotty
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Hey person calling from a blocked number, I'm not answering...... Ever.
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03-30-2013 11:56 by
snotty
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Had a mishap while making coffee just now that is best explained through interpretive dance...
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03-31-2012 14:52 by
snotty
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Possible "Breaking Amish" sequels:.. #1:Friday Night Without Lights... #2:That 1870's Show... #3:The Big Barn Theory...#4:Not-Modern Family
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09-26-2014 19:12 by
snotty
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*whispers* ...and here we have a teen loading a washer with clothes--unprovoked... A rare sight, seldom witnessed outside captivity.
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09-21-2013 08:00 by
snotty
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If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
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10-01-2013 07:36 by
snotty
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According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
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10-12-2013 10:47 by
snotty
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My dad's TV volume is always set at "screw the neighbors".
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10-20-2013 07:34 by
snotty
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Facebook: "Do you want to tag Jennifer in this Picture?" Me: Hmmmm. does it make her look fat? Then yes, yes I do.
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10-28-2013 17:00 by
snotty
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I assumed a coworker was pregnant. She told me no, just six months fat... We laughed and laughed and then she stabbed me.
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11-14-2013 22:27 by
snotty
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They say men think about sex every 7 seconds, so when I eat a hotdog I try to finish it in 6 seconds so it doesn’t get awkward.
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02-06-2016 07:32 by
snotty
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Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms... 2. Describing tumors... 3. Playing golf
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04-30-2014 07:32 by
snotty
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The most frustrating thing I've ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
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12-13-2015 19:44 by
snotty
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I know it's 3 meals a day,,,,,, But how many at night?
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04-06-2012 18:04 by
snotty
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BREAKING NEWS: Baby found in the middle of the Meteorite crash site,,, he is miraculously unharmed... Wrapped in what seems to be a red cape.
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02-16-2013 06:37 by
snotty
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Next time someone presses the elevator button you've already pressed,,, act totally impressed & tell them they did it waaaay better than you.
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04-08-2012 08:31 by
snotty
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If I was single, I would have a stick figure of myself on the back of my car next to a bag of cash.
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05-28-2012 08:47 by
snotty
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I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I'm making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
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03-21-2012 18:15 by
snotty
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