Funny Status Messages

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 675 of 5593

   messageicon I can easily tell from the quality of your p0sts when some of you have run out of weed.
←Rate | 06-09-2012 12:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just woke my kids up and told them, “It's Father's Day! Where's my present?” They just started crying.
←Rate | 06-17-2012 05:25 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Crush, If your "shower brb" was intended to make me imagine you naked.. Mission accomplished!"
←Rate | 07-05-2012 13:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon She's not the sharpest marble in the crayon shed.
←Rate | 12-23-2011 09:00 by K-Mac Comments (0)  


   messageicon When alcohol does it's taxes it claims me as a dependant.
←Rate | 01-18-2012 20:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congrats to Jay Cutler, soon to be Dad... Just goes to show that he cant get protection on or off the field.
←Rate | 01-24-2012 17:33 by SEAN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can't say I'm surprised by the Kanye West - Kim Kardashian union, considering they both have egos the size of her ass.
←Rate | 04-26-2012 20:51 by susie018 Comments (0)  


   messageicon While you were busy judging others you left your closet open and your skeletons fell out.
←Rate | 05-24-2012 14:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey astronauts, find something with eyeballs or don't come back. Enough is enough.
←Rate | 03-20-2012 20:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not a soccer fan,, but if the St. Louis Steamers soccer team ever move to Cleveland,, I'm TOTALLY buying a jersey..
←Rate | 04-16-2012 19:54 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon For a day that doesn't exist, I sure got a lot done.
←Rate | 02-29-2012 18:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How can you NOT be a pervert with a name like Weiner?!?!
←Rate | 07-30-2013 19:26 by PostMan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can Walmart be a feeling? I think that's how I feel today.
←Rate | 08-12-2013 08:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't need alcohol to have a good time. I need it to make sure I don't have a bad time...
←Rate | 08-31-2013 03:55 by JimmyCos Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe if I took my problems to the gym they'd work themselves out.
←Rate | 09-09-2013 12:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey,,,, I said I'd be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
←Rate | 02-13-2013 11:42 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon YouTube... The only way you'll ever see MTV play music videos.
←Rate | 02-17-2013 11:43 by JojoDancer Comments (0)  


   messageicon Normally, having a pillow fight used to be fun, until "Memory Foam" made an appearance.
←Rate | 02-19-2013 00:48 Comments (1)  


   messageicon They're playing Nicki Minaj at the zoo. Wait no, just a couple of chimpanzees fighting.
←Rate | 02-24-2013 11:07 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hey guys,,, Which sounds better: No longer rabid?, Or rabies free since 2003?........ I'm trying to update my e-harmony profile
←Rate | 06-18-2013 21:18 by snotty Comments (0)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left