BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I think cops should yell "PICKACHUUUUUUUUUUUUU!" before they taze someone

   It's Friday night... So many innocent beers have no idea what's coming for 'em.

   Hitting your hip on a corner and feeling like you've been shot. 

   Guys: Wow, her status is dumb. but she's cute, so I'm going to like it.

   You're at starbucks? Please post pictures of your coffee, I've never seen one before.

   My wallet is like an onion. When I open it, I cry.

   The longer I sit in a drive-thru, the more pennies I pay with.

   I'm not saying blondes are dumb, but I just saw one snorting Sweet & Low because she thought it was Diet Coke.

   I'd like a $5 dollar footlong"....."That'll be 7.05"....."Bi$ch what??

   Pretending to read your birthday card after the money has fallen out...

   Do you like me? Breathe for yes, lick your elbow for no.

   BESTFRIEND: the one you can get mad at only for a short period because you have important stuff to tell them. 

   Welcome to Facebook, where relationships are perfect, liars believe their own lies & the world shows off they are living a great life.

   To those girls on "My Super Sweet 16" that get pissed when daddy buys them the wrong colour Mercedes. SHUT UP! I ride a bike!

   How do homeless people always seem to get the shopping cart that has all four good wheels?

   Things you should never do after a breakup: 1. Listen to love songs. 2. Read old messages 3. Read their statuses, tweets or updates.

   I wish Monday was a figment of my imagination.

   Facebook would be much more interesting if they let you decide, which part of the body you wanna Poke.

   To all the students who drop out of high school: Remember two things, 1. You tried your best. 2. I don't like onions on my Big Mac.

   Hey, if you stay really quiet and listen very, very closely, You can hear the beautiful sound of you shutting the f$ck up.