Funny Status Messages

   I'd love to make money at home in my spare time. But counterfeiting is harder than you'd think.

   Sometimes when your sad, no one cares. Sometimes when you cry, no one sees. Sometimes when you leave no one notices. But fart just one time.

   In New York you can't drink more than a 16 oz. soda, but it is okay to stuff yourself with 68 hotdogs and buns in 10 minuts.

   I love my six-pack so much, I protect it with a layer of fat.

   Teenage: have time & energy but no money Working age: have money & energy but no time Old age: have time & money but no energy! ~

   The older the Facebook post, the creepier your "like" becomes.

   Why did the chicken cross the roa... *thump*thump* Nevermind.

   If Satan ever loses his hair, there'll be hell toupee!

   Since the world is ending in 2012, I've decided to buy everything at places with a "Don't pay until 2013" plan.

   My anti-aging face cream gave me acne. No need to go that young, L'Oreal.

   Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.

   Nothing says "I don't have a mode of transportation" like being the dude hugging another dude on the back of a Harley.

   The best things in life are free...for now, wait until the government finds a way to tax you on that!

   wishes that "mafia wars" would get into a turf war with "farm town" and all the mobsters and farmers would kill each other so I wouldn't have to get anymore invites to fake shoot people or to grow some virtual celery.

   I'm calling in blind this morning. I can't see myself going into work today.

   Sociologists say San Francisco's birth rate is projected to decline sharply in the next decade. I'm actually rather surprised San Francisco has a birth rate.

   I'm thinking about suing the US postal service over their slogan "If it fits~It ships".... If that were true I'd be on my way to Hawaii right now.....

   The Social Network...Probably the first time I've actually read the book before I saw the movie ...

   Admit nothing, deny everything and make counter-accusations.

   So you REALLY have no clue how stupid you look with your over sized pants (with a belt) hangin so low. Really?