Funny Status Messages

   Don't worry about people from your past, There's a reason why they didn't make it to your future.

   - I was just about to nail some shelves to the wall.....Then I thought, screw it....

   I laid awake all night again worrying about why I'm always so tired

   It's better to live one day as a lion, than a hundred as a sheep

   At what age do you tell a highway it was adopted?

   This girl I know is thinking about havin beer pong at her reception... that's walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever.

   Stumbled into bed late last night. "You're drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."

   Early map makers were mostly men, which explains why Florida was usually drawn about 3 inches longer than its actual size.

   looking at photos and seeing how much weight I've gained which has inspired me to make a resolution for 2011: NO MORE PHOTOS!

   I hate people that are conceited. I am so much better than them.

   I could scroll down my Facebook page and write a country song!!

   "Common sense" is dead an buried. What we have today is "rare sense".

   Job application is a trick by some id! ots that they don't even bother to read your resume.

   My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the arseholes asked me to turn it down.

   Sometimes I'm happy, then mad, then hungry and then chatty. So yes, I understand women. Great, now I'm crying.

   It's amazing how fast you can get drunk when you hate everyone around you.

   If you're poor you're a "Hoarder." If you're rich you're a "Collector."

   My wife's safe word: "Not tonight"

   If you live by the sword, I guess that's pretty cool. I live by some trees and other houses

   If I'm at Death's door, I'm going to pretend to be a Jehovah's Witness so that he'll never answer it.