BEGO Funny Status Messages

   LIFE TIP: Next time you do something illegal, look serious and carry a clipboard.

   Jail, I mean school. Sorry, I can't tell the difference

   So Siri is basically a chick that has no personality and claims to know everything? ...Sounds like my ex!

   I let my girlfriend wear the pants in our relationship, but it's me that decides when they come off!

   I wish computer companies would design a keyboard with a removable crumb tray, kinda like my toaster.

   If I started my own Chip Company, I'd fill the bags to the top!

   We live in a culture where we are surrounded by smart phones and stupid people.

   Thanks to push-up bras and low cut shorts, I can now get to 2nd base w/ your girlfriend just by looking at her FB profile pic.

   Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me a damn secrets???

   S.I.N.G.L.E. = (S)tress (I)s (N)ow (G)one (L)ife's (E)asier

   Strange how I'm only on Facebook when I'm on the toilet... I'm literally giving a s$it while reading stuff I don't give a s$it about.

   It's only a matter of time until "Security Cameras of Wal-Mart" is a reality TV show.

   Do I really need a 3ft receipt for buying a coke and a pack of gum?

   Follow your heart, but bring your brain for back-up.

   Monday isn't so bad if you lube up.

   To all the fat chicks that only take pics from the neck up .... good try ... good try.

   We live in a time period of smart phones and stupid people.

   Thank you for your payment, I'm going to give you a confirmation number." "Cool, I'm going to pretend I'm writing it down.

   You never fully realize how terrible your toothbrush is until you get a new one.

   I can't believe I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.