Funny Status Messages

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
Page: 637 of 5593

   messageicon Dear Noah, We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5. Sincerely, Unicorns.
←Rate | 10-05-2010 15:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My mom still tells me not to talk to strangers. I'm 22 mom, I don't talk to strangers, I sleep with them.
←Rate | 02-01-2012 11:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Taco Bell doesn't have a playground because its hard to have fun when you might crap your pants
←Rate | 06-22-2013 22:59 by snotty Comments (1)  


   messageicon Cell phones should have the option to change "airplane mode" to "drunk mode" that way your drunk texts never leave your phone.
←Rate | 07-27-2011 11:35 by Surge Yarmolyuk Comments (0)  


   messageicon I dont see why facebook feels the need to notify me everyday that some of you have changed your profile picture. Unless your naked...I dont give a sh%t
←Rate | 08-21-2010 13:21 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some idiots actually sold their homes and properties thinking the world was really going to end! What losers. I hope my boss gives me my job back on Monday.
←Rate | 05-21-2011 21:09 by BRian Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies, don't go after ugly rich men. Make your own money so you can f*ck hot poor guys, like me
←Rate | 08-24-2011 12:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon When people introduce themselves to me for the first time, I tell them, "Yes, we've met before." so they feel awkward trying to remember me.
←Rate | 12-07-2010 15:18 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just lost another hour trying to figure out how to reset the clock in my car.
←Rate | 03-12-2012 09:30 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon you know that urge you get to eat something just because its there well that is why I am not a gynecologist
←Rate | 08-01-2013 13:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The world is ending in 16 days and I still don't know what I'm going to wear
←Rate | 12-05-2012 06:18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear ex, I wouldn't delete you as a Facebook friend. I want you to see the happiness I found after you left.
←Rate | 10-04-2012 04:09 by Neal Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was young I was scared of the dark. Now when I see my electricity bill I am scared of the lights.
←Rate | 10-13-2012 08:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to fill my medicine cabinet with marbles before I invite people over.
←Rate | 03-28-2013 17:32 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walmart has made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing...... Walmart is going to invade Target.
←Rate | 04-12-2013 00:00 by BigSarge Comments (0)  


   messageicon If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesn't that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie?
←Rate | 10-24-2010 17:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always hate when I miss out on wear your pajamas to Wal-Mart night.
←Rate | 10-25-2010 09:27 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only 9,000 more lies until Election Day.
←Rate | 10-26-2010 11:28 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon In addition to being able to click "Like", Facebook needs a "That's what she said." option
←Rate | 11-13-2010 10:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon if it wasn't obvious before, it should be now.....The 80s had the best cartoons.
←Rate | 12-03-2010 12:09 Comments (3)  



Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left