Funny Status Messages

   The best things in life are free.... or have no interest or payments for one full year.

   Good moms let you lick the beaters...great moms turn the mixer off first!

   I have the same body I've always had. Adjusted for inflation, of course...

   I've never tipped a cow. Then again, one has never served me food.

   Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.

   Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.

   Am I the only 1 who cheers 4 the grape soda in the Kool-Aid commercials?

   If your uncle jack is stuck on your roof ; would you help your Uncle Jack Off?

   Saving alot on my car insurance by deciding to drive without it...

   The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

   making his stand at Thermopylae.

   luckily for some adults, illiteracy is not a crime.

   just completed Step 1) Cut a hole in a box.

   In the 60's and 70's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

   There is no such thing as government money, only taxpayer money.

   These days, the only way I get rolled in the hay is if I get mugged behind the barn.

   Give peace a chance. Move to a new town and don't tell your relatives.

   headed out for a quiet beer. Followed by ten noisy ones...

   not to be outdone, Brett Favre announced that he will make his decision in an ESPN mini-series

   My dad gave me a set of golf clubs and wants me to try them out... currently waiting for someone to break into my house