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   messageicon Me: Siri, why am I alone? Siri: *opens front facing camera*
←Rate | 10-04-2015 01:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.
←Rate | 11-18-2013 12:50 by Baddie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I know the voices aren't real but they have some great ideas.
←Rate | 11-19-2013 18:52 by JMc Comments (0)  


   messageicon Protip: If your turkey tastes like bird flavored jello, it is undercooked.
←Rate | 11-28-2013 02:15 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
←Rate | 03-20-2015 15:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if your soulmate is over there on Twitter while you're here on Facebook?
←Rate | 04-23-2015 15:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's weird to think that these Forever Stamps will outlive me.
←Rate | 04-26-2015 08:06 by huck Comments (0)  


   messageicon Upon learning how old I am, a 5 year old named "Braxten" told me I was "really old," so I whispered in his ear, "at least I have a real name"
←Rate | 04-29-2015 12:22 by andrew jackson Comments (0)  


   messageicon Karma: the joy of watching someone get what they deserve. Professionalism: the ability to sit back, enjoy the show and keep your mouth shut.
←Rate | 04-29-2015 20:06 by Coleman Comments (0)  


   messageicon If anybody steals my identity, at least I'll know who to look for.
←Rate | 04-13-2010 15:41 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like you... People say I've got no taste, but I like you...
←Rate | 04-27-2010 02:28 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon When in roam, watch out for those hidden charges...
←Rate | 05-20-2010 13:14 by Joser | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts...
←Rate | 05-20-2010 13:15 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best things in life are free.... or have no interest or payments for one full year.
←Rate | 05-21-2010 17:49 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good moms let you lick the beaters...great moms turn the mixer off first!
←Rate | 05-25-2010 23:01 by Jeff Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have the same body I've always had. Adjusted for inflation, of course...
←Rate | 05-27-2010 13:40 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've never tipped a cow. Then again, one has never served me food.
←Rate | 05-28-2010 11:47 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 15:57 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Speak when you're angry and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
←Rate | 06-11-2010 18:10 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Am I the only 1 who cheers 4 the grape soda in the Kool-Aid commercials?
←Rate | 06-14-2010 20:47 Comments (0)  



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