BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Hardest job in the world: Police sketch artist in China.

   Technologically, I'm at that dangerous age. I'm old enough to mess everything up, and not young enough to fix it.

   Sometimes your mouth is like a zipper. By the time you realize it's open, it's already embarrassed you.

   Why, when our heart is stolen, do we insist on returning to the scene of the crime?

   I can't think of one nice thing to say about you....a million maybe, but not just one.

   (Person:) Do you know how many calories are in that?! (Me:) Do you know how many f**ks I don't give?

   S.I.N.G.L.E = Sometimes It's Not Good to Love Everybody

   When I see a bruised apple at the market, I give it a soft hug and whisper, "Who did this to you?"

   Gay Drive by: They pull up in a pink ford focus, Throw skittles and shout "TASTE THE RAINBOW BIT$H!"

   I wasn't that drunk" "Dude, you logged into Myspace."

   Ever notice how men insult each other and don't really mean it and women compliment each other and don't really mean it?

   We live in a country where obesity is on the rise and skinny jeans are becoming a fad... I fear for the future.

   Why is "All Together" written separately, but "Separately" is written all together?

   That disappointing feeling you get when you unlock the black guy in temple run and realize he's not any faster.

   I don't care what the damn expiration date says, I'm smelling the milk before I drink it.

   A rejected highfive is one of the biggest insults there is.

   Facebook's friend suggestion section should be renamed to "People you know, but probably hate."

   I want to quit drinking, but my momma didn't raise a quitter!

   Oh, you're engaged and in high school? I'm sure your marriage will last forever.

   Don't be sad because someone gave up on you. Feel sorry for them because they gave up on someone who would never give up on them.