BEGO Funny Status Messages

   They say that the first sign of alcoholism is drinking alone. I have a dog, so I don't have to worry about that.

   50 Shades of Grey is stupid. They made the movie before the book. It's called porn... and thanks to the internet, it's free.

   You're too cute to be single." and you're too ugly to be flirting with me.

   Sleep with a girl with a spray tan? No thanks. I'll just stick my d$ck into a bag of Cheetos.

   Dudes who wear skinny jeans, you took the phrase "I got in her pants" the wrong way...

   Dear parent constantly bragging about your kid on Facebook, everybody else is rooting for your kid to fail.

   I've been making the same mistakes in life for so long, I should just call them traditions!

   Honey, why don't you take a break, you're working too hard." = "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.

   BEST PICK UP LINE: Let´s drink Vodka until you don´t remember what I suggest next..

   Listen, I'm not fat ok, I'm just so sexy that it overflows.

   Women are like horoscopes, they always tell you what to do and they're usually wrong.

   I met a cute girl in the tampon section, so I asked her if I could take her out in 5 to 7 days.

   Why do people put their relationship status as " its complicated "??  We all know that means ur single but still doing ur ex.. why advertise that???

   Three words that can really really  crush a mans pride. "Is it in"?

   Single, taken, in a relationship; are all just terms. Your status is measured by your actions.

   If my love, honesty, and loyalty aren't good enough for you...the guy in line behind you would love for you to move on.

   I don't know what the key to success is, but the key to failure is trying to please everyone.

   Facebook says we're 'friends' ,but trust me, I wouldn't hesitate to kick you in the teeth.

   Sometimes I see people and think, "Is your face supposed to be like that?"

   Oh, he didn't reply to your text message and it's been 2 minutes? You should probably resend that.