BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Women want someone that looks good on their arm, holds all their crap, and compliments their shoes. Basically men are just purses.

   The girl with a future avoids a man with a past.

   I think your first love holds the biggest piece of your heart because they made the first cut.

   Apologizing does not always mean you are wrong. It just means that you value your relationships more than your ego

   Vending machines are so homophobic. I'm sorry my dollar is not straight enough for you.

   Me: I'm gonna lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise every day. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?

   From now on I'm going to have to start following my brain. My heart is clearly a F@$&@ng idiot.

   When your world is falling apart, when it seems like things can't get any worse, please remember...I don't give a s$it.

   Why are there never any good side effects? Just once Id like to see a drug commercial that says, May cause extreme awesomeness.

   Just because I'm giving up , doesn't mean I don't care. It means I'm tired of giving my everything & ending up with nothing.

   BEST PICK UP LINE: Let´s drink Vodka until you don´t remember what I suggest next..

   At the end of Goonies, Chunk says to Sloth, “you’re gonna live with me now.” Why isn’t that a movie yet?

   Fine dont text me back then. Its not like I'm obsessively checking my phone or anything

   If you knew how many trips to the bathroom every phone has taken, you'd never, ever, ever, ever, ever touch somebody else's phone. Ever.

   If someone doesn't appreciate your presence, make them appreciate your absence.

   The pretty girl may get the husband....but the nice girl gets the best man.

   Everything is so much funnier when you're not allowed to laugh

   Dear Girls, when a boy pauses his video game to text you.. Marry him.

   Me with no money: I want everything... Me with money: what the f?ck do I buy

   I think it's funny how everyone is suddenly thankful for everything just because its Thanksgiving