BEGO Funny Status Messages

   Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

   I feel old whenever someone tells me they were born in the 90's.

   ❒ Taken ❒ Single ✔ Depends on how drunk I am.

   Girls are like Jedi's, they can lift things without even touching them... if you know what I mean.

   If you play a Nicki Minaj song and a Snoop song at the same time, you can understand what they're saying

   A few simple tips: 1. Don't promise when you're happy. 2. Don't reply when you're angry. 3. Don't decide when you're sad.

   Sometimes, we waste too much time to think about someone who doesn't even think about us for a second.

   LIKE if you remember having to REWIND a video before you returned it.

   When I say ‘it's a long story', it doesn't mean it's actually a long story. It means I just don't want to tell you.

   Did anyone else know that "Fes" from That 70's Shows' name stands for (F)oreign (E)xchange (S)tudent

   Trying to find a good time to tell my dog he is adopted...

   Note to Self: Wearing headphones do not make my farts silent.

   The only thing worse than girls going after the "Bad Boy" is today's perception of what a Bad Boy is.

   Coffee is nature's way of saying “Go ahead, get drunk on a weeknight, I got your back!”

   Dudes that are upset because instagram is now available on Android are prolly the same dudes who pees while sitting down.

   There's too many people out here who have the balls to state their opinion. But not enough balls to be that person who makes ish happen.

   Friend: "Whats a good movie?" Me: "Snakes on a plane" Friend: "Whats it about?" Me: "Horses... horses on a boat"

   Ghetto pronunciation: Bathroom = Baafrumm, Refrigerator = Fridgerataa, Remote = Moken Troll.

   Facebook is the leading cause to cell phone battery deaths.

   The annoying moment when the TV commercials are so long that you forget what you're watching.