snotty Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I, put commas, in, weird places, so that, you, read, my jokes, like William, Shatner.
←Rate | 09-20-2014 06:33 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The sight of naked cleavage reduces a man's ability to reason by 50% ... Per boob.
←Rate | 12-07-2012 16:49 by snotty Comments (1)  


   messageicon NEWS FLASH: Scientists still baffled by Canadians' ability to watch movies, own guns, and play video games,,, but not shoot each other.
←Rate | 12-19-2012 08:13 by snotty Comments (1)  


   messageicon My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That's not my waiter
←Rate | 03-26-2013 21:58 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so old... I grew up in an era where you had to go to channel 3 to play video games.
←Rate | 01-18-2012 20:08 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing
←Rate | 01-11-2012 17:49 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Taco Bell doesn't have a playground because its hard to have fun when you might crap your pants
←Rate | 06-22-2013 22:59 by snotty Comments (1)  


   messageicon "Any way you can speed this up, officer? I'm obviously in a hurry."
←Rate | 08-02-2013 19:15 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congrats on winning an argument with your woman...... Your prize is a night on the couch.
←Rate | 09-01-2013 17:22 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon *whispers* ...and here we have a teen loading a washer with clothes--unprovoked... A rare sight, seldom witnessed outside captivity.
←Rate | 09-21-2013 08:00 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
←Rate | 10-01-2013 07:36 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to this bathroom stall,,, my ex changed her number again.
←Rate | 10-12-2013 10:47 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My dad's TV volume is always set at "screw the neighbors".
←Rate | 10-20-2013 07:34 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Facebook: "Do you want to tag Jennifer in this Picture?" Me: Hmmmm. does it make her look fat? Then yes, yes I do.
←Rate | 10-28-2013 17:00 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I assumed a coworker was pregnant. She told me no, just six months fat... We laughed and laughed and then she stabbed me.
←Rate | 11-14-2013 22:27 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon The most frustrating thing I've ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
←Rate | 12-13-2015 19:44 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms... 2. Describing tumors... 3. Playing golf
←Rate | 04-30-2014 07:32 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon They say men think about sex every 7 seconds, so when I eat a hotdog I try to finish it in 6 seconds so it doesn’t get awkward.
←Rate | 02-06-2016 07:32 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Had a mishap while making coffee just now that is best explained through interpretive dance...
←Rate | 03-31-2012 14:52 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think it's safe to say that my 2 year old is definitely more excited to see the fire truck next door than my neighbor.
←Rate | 03-05-2013 12:44 by snotty Comments (0)  



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