Jake Funny Status Messages

View All Funny Status Messages

Sort:  Recent   |   Oldest   |   Rating
Trump Filter: ON | OFF


Search Messages:
[Clear]

Search results for status messages containing 'Jake': View All Messages
Page: 6 of 8

   messageicon I've been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn't cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
←Rate | 05-07-2018 22:55 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bad decision: Believing we're from the government and we're here to help you.
←Rate | 07-24-2018 03:53 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.
←Rate | 06-07-2018 03:21 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I stopped complaining about my insomnia when I found out most of my relatives died in their sleep.
←Rate | 03-30-2018 22:47 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon You don't always have to be in a rush. The early bird may get the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.
←Rate | 10-12-2017 23:20 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I thought earwigs were bugs that came out of your ears. So you can imagine what I thought when I heard about co*kroaches
←Rate | 04-26-2018 23:38 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon When prince charming kisses a teenage girl in a coma he's a romantic hero. When I do it I'm a pervert.
←Rate | 07-06-2018 20:08 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Losing your wife can be difficult. I know because I've been trying to lose mine for years.
←Rate | 07-31-2018 18:23 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Most all husbands lie on their tax returns by listing them self as the head of household.
←Rate | 09-17-2018 21:20 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I realized I wasn't my parents favorite kid when they ask me to help blow up ballonns for my twin brother's surprise birthday party.
←Rate | 01-11-2018 20:40 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I found a real money maker in selling homing pigeons....... So far this month I sold mine 4 times.
←Rate | 07-24-2018 20:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Place a "DRY PAINT" sign on a park bench. And watch how many people avoid sitting on the bench.
←Rate | 09-25-2017 01:11 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remember when teenage girls kept a diary and got pissed off if anyone read it? Now days they put everything on facebook and get pissed off when they don't.
←Rate | 05-04-2018 08:36 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon In a gay casino, a queen beats a straight every time.
←Rate | 09-10-2017 02:06 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Seven qualities I look for in a woman. 1. Beautiful. 2. Intelligent. 3. Gentle. 4. Thoughtful. 5. Innocent. 6. Trustworthy. 7. Sensible . Or in short B.I.G.T.I.T.S.
←Rate | 07-21-2018 03:10 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went to a trendy night club. Doorman: "Sorry you can't come in you've had to many." Me: "I haven't been drinking." Doorman: "No not to many drinks........ To many Birthdays."
←Rate | 06-01-2018 15:44 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon People were shocked when they found I wasn't a good electrician. :-)
←Rate | 01-27-2018 15:28 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon How can you tell if a man is blind at a nudist colony? It's not hard.
←Rate | 01-22-2018 00:27 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm getting so old, I need to take a nap so I'll have the energy to go to bed. :)
←Rate | 02-22-2018 02:08 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon After my doctor's exam. He gave me a 30 day supply of some pills. And said that I'll need to take them for the rest of my life. I said that's not so bad. He said yea it is, you won't need a refill prescription.
←Rate | 02-24-2018 22:55 by Jake Comments (0)  



[Search Results] [View All Messages]
Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left