BEGO Funny Status Messages

   I'm against recycling because it makes me appear to be a huge alcoholic to my garbage man.

   I don't need anger management -I need people to stop pissing me the hell off!!

   Screw it, I'm starting Friday now.

   Ladies, most of the time us guy are like placemats. We only show up when there's food on the table.

   Two types of people that annoy me: Drunk people when I'm sober. Sober people when I'm drunk.

   When Life knocks you down, calmly get back up, smile, and say "You hit like a bit$h."

   Dear Someone: I miss you so damn much!

   They say "Opposites attract" but they never tell you for how long.

   They say 1 minute of kissing burns 26 calories. No wonder sluts are so damn skinny.

   I bet if Adam and Eve were Chinese, they would have eaten the snake and not the apple.

   A slut is fun in everyone's bed. A good girlfriend is only a slut in yours.

   My day starts backwards... I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

   We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control.

   Kids today will never know the pain of the Dewey Decimal system and how to catalog library books on index cards.

   Remember: One man's trash is another man's girlfriend.

   Remember guys, while your checking some other girl out, someone else is checking out your girl. Appreciate what you have, or someone else will.

   If you really cared you wouldn't ignore my text, neglect my feelings and forget my existence.

   WARNING: Unhealthy relationships may cause headaches, stress & a waste of your time. The cure for this is to be single.

   Becareful, the only reason some people decide to get married is just so they can start blaming someone else for their disaster of self.

   16 and pregnant? What about 18 and graduated ? 22 and successful?