BEGO Funny Status Messages

   If you take relationship advice from Taco Bell hot sauce packets... Congrats, you have reached rock bottom.

   The older I get, the more I think I owe my parents an apology...

   Word of Advice: No matter what city you live in, no matter where you travel, there will always be douche bags there.

   Best prank call ever: "Hello, Dominos?"... "Yes, how may I help you?"... "What's the number to call Pizza Hut?"

   For Easter I'm gonna get really drunk and hide a whole bunch of eggs, wake up sober and have an Easter egg hunt with myself!

   It's only a matter of time until Facebook adds “friend-zoned” as a relationship status.

   My first memory was 9 months before I was born. I went to this crazy party with dad and left with mom.

   x² + why +8 [(x + 2y ² = a-z] + 2x ³ + (- 2z = 2. 4) + 10y - 5Z ³= k= 9 TRUST ME, You need this in life.

   Sometimes you just have to be straight up with people or they will expect you to bend over backwards.

   Toilet paper and my iPhone have a lot in common... both are essential when I take a s$it.

   I would slap you but that would be animal abuse

   That moment when you are so drunk that you swerve to miss a tree but then you realize its just an air freshener hanging in your car.

   The only people who truly know your story, are the ones that helped you write it.

   One of the hardest things in life is trying to plug in your charger in the dark

   I would switch cell-phone providers if one had an "unsend my drunk text" option.

   My relationship with my Ex was very psychological...she's psycho and I'm logical.

   I love finding money in my pockets after a night of drinking. It's like a gift to sober me…from drunk me.

   A young boy said to his mother, 'How old were you when I was born?' His mother replied, '23.' 'Wow, that's a lot of time we missed spending together.'

   Dear young girls losing their virginity... if you're age is on the clock, you're too young for the coc$.

   Graduation speech: I would like to thank Wikipedia, and copy/paste. - I'm out bitc$es