Funny Status Messages

   Cyber sex is not as easy as it sounds. I should have picked a less crowded Starbucks.

   The new version of Pac-Man is so awesome, it comes with a search engine built into it

   Finds that the best place to pick up women is at the Immigration Office.

   partying isnt wasting money. its investing in good memories! :D

   I don't fail. I succeed at finding what doesn't work.

   Keep smiling. But not to the point where people begin to think you're mentally unbalanced.

   Had a cold this morning so I took an Aleve-D and washed it down with an AMP energy drink. Judging by the way I feel, I am fairly certain my body converted to two into meth!

   will not discriminate against the following: race, religion, sex, or creed. However UGLY... I have to draw the line somewhere!

   Things in my life are finally starting to click...... Like my elbows, my knees, my feet,etc;

   Putting kids to bed is a little like playing WHACK-A-MOLE.

   Anyone who says onions are the only vegetable that can make you cry has never been hit in the face with a pumpkin.

   There's a distinct difference between power walking for fitness and power walking because you have to use the bathroom

   Telling your kids you remember when gas was $.99 is like your Grandparents telling you they remember walking to school in the snow barefooted... Both were a long long time ago & will never happen again...

   I'd rather hear a dry fart from a wet dog than hear another one of your boring stories

   200 Happy Birthday Messages on my wall and all I got was a Farmville tractor.

   You know when doctors leave the room they are just checking Web MD right?

   You can tell the quality of a person by how they treat people they don't need.

   Usually, the person who tries to make everyone happy is the loneliest and saddest person.

   going to go a few pages back, copy a status, then re-word it so I appear creative.

   If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you're going to jail.